EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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