I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
