So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
