You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
