I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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