She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
