My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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