Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
