Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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