K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
