my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
