im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize