I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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