so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
