Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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