That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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