so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
