I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
