.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
