I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he was CRYING into my vagina
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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