i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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