i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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