Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And then my night got REAL pukey
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize