my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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