this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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