I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
