sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
