good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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