Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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