i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
