oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you win again, gameday.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
