My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
