Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
