nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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