Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
