Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
