I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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