So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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