it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
