Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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