There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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