She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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