Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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