If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
