He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
