I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
