there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
