Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
