Barsexuality is the new black.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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