she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
