my mouth tastes like poor choices
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize