are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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