The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
