Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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