I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
