I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Are we still banned from the library?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
