Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
