I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize