I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
