my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
