As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
