I am puke
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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