So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize