Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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