Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
