i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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