Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There's always time for handjobs
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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