All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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