I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
