I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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