I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
