Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
