Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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