Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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