God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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