Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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