I accidentally burped into my bong.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
